Are You The One?

If I could chronicle the feelings that I have for someone right now, the tale would never end. I somehow went from absolutely no romantic interaction for six years, to just enough to keep me thirsty in a very short period of time. I finally met someone that I really liked and his "situation" is keeping me at arm's length with him. Now, whether he believes it or not, his previous marriage has undoubtedly ruined him for any chance at a relationship with me. I could go for rounds with him to try and convince him that I'd be a good woman for him, but what would be the point if he's not ready to accept that? This is one of the pitfalls that women find themselves in far too often. We meet someone who seems to be what we want and we attach ourselves to him, knowing it may not even go anywhere.

Why do we put ourselves through such unnecessary turmoil? Why do I put myself through it? There are articles telling us the 7, 10, 30 and 102.463 ways to know we're the one, and we stupidly buy into that shullbit. The signs aren't some secret, subtle hints, but are very simple and damned near average actions; such as: meeting his family& friends, coming to you when he's feeling down, wanting to sit and watch TV with you when you're feeling less than sexy, and most shockingly: telling you that he wants a relationship with you. Yeah, I know. Men say things all the time, but if a man tells you that he wants a relationship, he means it. Not saying that he won't continue to wander and will be completely faithful and honest, but he wants you to be his "main." We, as women, tend to over-think where men are concerned, so here's my simple advice: Let 'em be men! If you've let someone know that you're interested in him, leave it at that. He'll do with it what he feels he needs to. Men are anxious where choosing companionship is concerned because contrary to popular belief, they have feelings. They have so much more at stake when they invest their hearts because only a few women will ever receive that special part of them. Women are emotional, but resilient, and if our hearts get broken, we usually learn from it and keep going. Men usually harden their hearts a little more and some of them even fall into the trap of being so non-trusting that they settle for a woman who is nowhere near being everything he wants just so he doesn't have to have his heart broken again. I know it sounds strange, and no, I haven't figured men out. They're just as, if not more, complicated than we are. I know women are just hardwired to behave a certain way when it comes to affairs of the heart (and I'm a Scorpio, so I have a double-dose), and telling a woman to let something go is like telling a rooster to lay an egg. It's not happening. We really have to be fed up or just simply let our hearts work through their own longings. I've been trying to convince myself for the past 5 months to let this guy go, and I even put him on a timeline (APRIL 24th BABY), but sometimes, I think God is looking at me and saying: You may feel like that's what you need to do, but do you really want to? And He's right. Do I really want to let this guy go? He's neither doing me any good nor harm in my life, but why do I continue to pray for someone to come along and distract me from him? If I know that I should leave him alone, should I need another man to come into my life to concede that point? I shouldn't, but I do. Why? Because as long as there is no one else in my life who can capture my heart the way that he did, he's going to remain in that capacity. Even after he's done with whatever he's going through, it doesn't mean that I'll be the one that he decides to turn to. We steer ourselves down this path, hoping that one day, the men that we want or love will wake up with the grandest of epiphanies, and pour out their hearts to us. Unfortunately, that's usually reserved for Hollywood.

So how do we ease the pain of not knowing whether we're the one or not? Is it pretending that we're a lot stronger than we are by quoting songs and scriptures? Is it going out and having a few drinks? Is it learning a new hobby? It's actually all of those things, but at the same time, letting your heart do what it does. If you have any connection with who you are as a person, you know that your heart knows how to heal itself. People discredit the heart, calling it deceitful, and such. What is deceitful is our minds trying to fool our hearts into not feeling. The joy we feel when thinking of someone we love, as well as the cry that we have over the unknown where that person is concerned is therapeutic and our hearts know it.

In all honesty, it's okay to want that man and to long for him because he may have made you feel like no one else in the world has been able to make you feel. But once you've laid your feelings out for him, and if you care, you have to trust in love enough to let him be. Chances are, he's taking everything that you've said to him, as well as your actions, into consideration. So, don't fret just because you feel like he didn't notice the dress, or the way you touched his hand. It doesn't mean he didn't. It's possible that you may have stayed on his mind the entire night, next day or even that week. He may come around, he may not. You may be the one, you may not, but when seeking true love, know that you're asking for something that is so rare and so deep that only the most patient of people can find it and only the most courageous of them can survive it...

If I Were A Guy

My day started off wonderful yesterday, but for some reason, a series of events made it end on a sour note. They were minor, I'm sure, but to a hormonally charged woman, they were apocalyptic. It really all boiled down to a guy to be honest. As I sat on another Friday night, no date, no one to kick it with, no one to call, etc., I started having that "What's wrong with me?" feeling. And I thought longer and harder. There's nothing wrong with me. I made specific choices for myself that I follow--that I must follow; but it got some other gears turning. I say all day long that guys don't approach me, which is actually very inaccurate. Who approaches me is just not who I want. Nothing wrong with it at all (and if you've read "And so, we wait," you'll understand what I'm saying and how I actually feel). This all led me to the conclusion of how I'd react to myself if I were a guy. So I decided to write myself a love letter:

"Hello Love,

I hope this finds you well and blessed. I don't mean to be intrusive, but I saw you again today, and I must say I'm very intrigued. I knew that this is the right time and I must put my life on hold to tell you how you made me feel when I saw you, and to hopefully, find out who you are. I won't bore you with the same old cliched lines: "How you doin' baby? Can I get to know you? Where yo' man at? Tell me something about yourself." Instead, I can only ask: What have I done so right in my life that God has graced me with the eyesight to behold one of His greatest creations?

I saw you with a bit of a frown on your face and I know that if you were mine, you'd be smiling all the time. Even if you just thought about that silly thing that I did on our first date.

"He's too smooth and charming," you may be thinking and you're absolutely right. But not with an arrogance that makes me unbelievable; but with the confidence to let you know that I'm the man that can make you feel like no one else in the world exists.

If you were mine, I wouldn't put you on the shelf that you're obviously on. None of us are perfect, but any "situations" I had would be tossed aside. The women I was wasting countless hours with, the clubs that I've been hanging at, the failed marriage that I should be getting over, and even my boys would all take a backseat to you. You'd have my heart, my focus and my attention, completely.

Do you have children? If so, let me be the first to tell you how envious I am of your little one(s). To be blessed with such a mother whose grace and beauty is to be marveled, is to be cherished. I looked into your loving eyes, and saw the nurturing spirit that only a woman who knows that her love to her children is their greatest gift can possess. If you have none, there is no doubt in my mind that your children's spirits are in Heaven, rejoicing in anticipation at the thought of being loved and reared by you.

I could go on for years writing about your physical beauty, but I'm so much more concerned with your soul. You are, no doubt, physically endowed, but if it were not for what is inside of you, it would be all for naught. Your DNA is interwoven with not only human genetic material, but with God's love. That love has filled every cell of your body, causing an overflow that has been bestowed upon us. I want to get you to a point of where you are unafraid of unleashing your full potential on this world. You are a treasure. One that our dismal society can benefit from.

If I could go back in time, the Mona Lisa would be a portrait of you, the Taj Mahal would have been built in your honor, your face would on the bust of Nerftiti, and all of the songs and sonnets ever written would be in praises to you and your beauty.

As I close this letter to you, please understand that I have tried to speak as eloquently as possible to you, because you are deserving of such. Your face, and even the thought of you, has made me want to be a better person, through speech and action.

My hope is that someday, I will be able to earn your trust and express to you the bliss that I now have. I'll keep you in my prayers daily. Not a selfish prayer to let God bring us together for my benefit, but that you'll be safe and blessed in everything you do, and that everything you touch will succeed. And please pray for me as I go about my days, helpless and drunken with love.

I almost feel like each day that I'm not in your heart is a grim one, but I continue to get up, remembering the hope that I have in anticipation of seeing your face, for I know with which each day brings a new opportunity.

I hope I haven't bored you too much, and if you are the woman I believe you to be, you are more appreciative of this. Not of my words to you, but of the mere fact that you've helped to make someone's life better.

From the first day that I saw you, until the day that time ceases, you have my heart."

Pretty cheesy, I know, and not too many men are willing to (or are actually able to), express in Shakespearean grandeur, their love for a woman. But this is truly how I feel about myself. I'm worthy of such letters. I love spontaneity, and I love different and unique approaches, but the girlie-girl side of me craves romance every now and then.

If you're a man, try your best to be as romantic as possible with your woman. And if you're a woman, hopefully, the man that you desire (or even the one you have) graces you with spine-tingling romance at some point. I know I'm still hoping for mine...