On This Day

On this day in 1998, I was surrounded with friends and family celebrating my graduation from high school; and on this day in 2012, I'm celebrating my son, my flesh and blood, my young man's entrance into high school.  

To my Young Master Kendall I.F. Riley:

It's been a long and very trying three years, filled with ups and downs, countless changes, but more learning experiences than most people have in a lifetime. It may not seem like an accomplishment to some, but between you and me, WE KNOW.  

Take the wisdom that was, is and will continue to be given to you, and use it.  There should never be a day that you do not learn at least one new thing.  This is YOUR time, YOUR moment and YOUR day.  Make the most of it.  You are a wonderful, bright and caring young man and it's time that the world sees you the way that I do: a leader with the potential for greatness who will rival and overshadow that of so many before you. 

This is only the beginning for you, so many things will come to deter you from the goals that you've set for yourself, and when it does, don't hesitate to fall to your knees and surrender.  Not surrendering to the pressure, or the circumstance, but surrendering to your Heavenly Father.  He knows every single thing about you, even things that you and I don't know.  I pray that you experience His power with unconditional surrender and total trust in His plan for your life.

As a mother, there's so much sadness that I could feel today, but I choose joy instead.  Joy, because although I have not been the perfect parent (and never will be), I have confidence that you are already a much better human being that I could ever hope to be; not to mention you're almost out of the house :-) .

There will always be people and forces working against you, but take hold of the fact that there are so many who believe in you, even when you don't believe in yourself, and you'll never fail.

Unconditional, unchanging and undying love always,

Mama

Since I'm Not A Guy...

I know I've been going in on the guys a little bit, and I'd like to let you know that I'm not some weirded out feminist, a fiercely independent woman, and I'm definitely not a lezzie. Truth of the matter is, I LOOOOOVVVEEEE men! All kinds, too. But I really think there are some serious issues between men and women that have been caused by various miscommunications, ill-advised books, movies and articles, and we're just not separating fact from fiction or being upfront with what we want. For instance, so many women are sitting by themselves because they've read the Cosmo article that told them to play hard to get. And yet, some are in bad relationships because they read an article in RedBook that told them 'how to drive him crazy and make him want you." Driving him crazy unfortunately meant pulling all the stops up front and now you realize you had absolutely nothing in common with that guy except lust.

I have, occasionally approached a guy. I can't say that each time resulted in anything successful, but I can say that I left those guys with a lasting, positive impression. I'm first and foremost a Scorpio. I'm very true to my sign. I'm introverted, intuitive, jealous, but I'm also very passionate and loyal to those closest to me, so when I meet a man who interests me, whom I can possibly see having something meaningful with, I definitely make him feel like he's special to me. In case you haven't read, I wrote myself a love letter from the viewpoint of me being a man pursuing myself (If I Were A Guy). And it made me think: I'm getting on guys for not approaching me properly, but so many women are ruining guys by not letting them know how much they appreciate the ones they supposedly love. So why not? Why not write a letter to the man who's out there, anticipating, as I am, the moment we'll meet? Or even to the man I know is in a bad place out there with his woman, or one who's been hurt just to let him know that love is here for him if he so choses?

So, to the guy in the bad relationship, the one who's heart has been broken by divorce, the guy who's still clubbing because he's searching for an outlet to deal with the fact that he's lonely and for the guy who's just waiting for that perfect one, I'll tell you how I feel, and how men (especially those who are doing right by their women) should be treated:

Good morning Baby! Is that what you were greeted with when you woke up? If not, does she even bother to kiss you on your way out, wish you a wonderful day, or even make sure you have a decent, filling lunch? Or does she get up, complaining about you not giving her any money, not bothering to cook you breakfast, or nagging about you all having to go out with her friends later? And when you get home in the evenings, is there any sign of dinner being prepared? Does she wash your back while you're in the shower? Does she play video games with you, although she really can't? Does she even stay quiet long enough for you to watch a little sports? Does she make you feel the way Solomon would have felt with his Beloved when you make love?

See, I couldn't be satisfied with a man, who's taking great care of me, feeling less than...well, a man.

Could you hang out with your boys instead of my cackling friends and my overbearing mom? Absolutely. You could look at those other women, and some may even approach you, but you'd remember what would be waiting at home for you: The woman, who at any given time, will serve you breakfast in the heels you love. The woman who washes your hair and massages your shoulders. The woman who makes sure your kids' homework is right every evening. The woman who tells you to meet her at the hotel around the corner from your job for lunch...

And when we go out, would you be ashamed because I didn't know what to wear? Never. Because when we'd go out, I'd dress for YOU. From that sexy dress that you think makes me look like a "goddess," down to those underwear that kill me, but you love so much, is what I'd wear, all to make you the envied of wherever we'd decide to go.

And sure, I'd be able to hang that picture in the living room much better, but because I know you'd be so proud of it, I wouldn't belittle you. I'd hug you as if you'd figured out a way to end world hunger.

So you may lose your job or you won't get the promotion you thought you would, or you'd really like to try a new business venture. I'd be there to support you in any way possible. I'd know that you need me because I'd need you, and although I'll believe you can do anything you put your mind to, think of how much greater it could be if we'd accomplish it together.

You deserve to be respected and reminded that God sent you to me for a reason. He knew that I'd be the one you'd cherish because I'd help you fulfill the potential that's inside of you. I know that small things are really important, and we'd have our ups and downs, but you'd never ever have to wonder or worry that you've lost your place in my heart. My love would be to you like the rays of the sun, filling you with warmth with each beam.

All I'd ask of you would be honesty, respect and trust. I wouldn't ask you for anything that I wouldn't be willing to give myself, so all that I have would be yours. Given freely.

Right now, my heart, mind and spirit long for you. And the day that you decide you're ready to be loved unconditionally will be the day that my heart, mind and spirit depart me to dwell with you.

Since I don't have a man, I can only keep the love that I have bottled up inside of me, but to you ladies who have men and are not appreciating them the way that they deserve, wise up! If that man is doing his best to take care of you (and probably a kid he didn't father), don't run him into the ground. Be caring and nurturing. Don't wear sweats or have your friends over EVERY DAY he comes home from work. He likes for you to have on a cute shirt and lip gloss every now and then when gets home. Kiss him, hug him, let him know that you want him to have a good day, or if he had a bad day, let him know that he's at home with you and everything is okay. Be trusting, not foolish, but trust him, and let him know that you do.

I know what you're saying, "You're single, so you don't know." On the contrary, Miss. I DO know. Wanna know how I know? I, like a lot of other women, get to hear about the bad (or lack of) sexual encounters with you. We get to hear about the nagging, and the fact that you had your sister going out of town with you two even though you know she doesn't like your man. We get to hear about how he's had to cut out some of the things he likes, or even get a second or third job because you're going on spending sprees like he's Donald Trump. And unfortunately, sometimes, we (the GOOD women) have to fight your man off because we seem to be everything you're not. I can guarantee that some of your friends are even looking at the way you're treating him and not all of them are going to turn him away, so I urge you to appreciate him. If you don't, someone else will always be standing there waiting to take your place...

If I Were A Guy

My day started off wonderful yesterday, but for some reason, a series of events made it end on a sour note. They were minor, I'm sure, but to a hormonally charged woman, they were apocalyptic. It really all boiled down to a guy to be honest. As I sat on another Friday night, no date, no one to kick it with, no one to call, etc., I started having that "What's wrong with me?" feeling. And I thought longer and harder. There's nothing wrong with me. I made specific choices for myself that I follow--that I must follow; but it got some other gears turning. I say all day long that guys don't approach me, which is actually very inaccurate. Who approaches me is just not who I want. Nothing wrong with it at all (and if you've read "And so, we wait," you'll understand what I'm saying and how I actually feel). This all led me to the conclusion of how I'd react to myself if I were a guy. So I decided to write myself a love letter:

"Hello Love,

I hope this finds you well and blessed. I don't mean to be intrusive, but I saw you again today, and I must say I'm very intrigued. I knew that this is the right time and I must put my life on hold to tell you how you made me feel when I saw you, and to hopefully, find out who you are. I won't bore you with the same old cliched lines: "How you doin' baby? Can I get to know you? Where yo' man at? Tell me something about yourself." Instead, I can only ask: What have I done so right in my life that God has graced me with the eyesight to behold one of His greatest creations?

I saw you with a bit of a frown on your face and I know that if you were mine, you'd be smiling all the time. Even if you just thought about that silly thing that I did on our first date.

"He's too smooth and charming," you may be thinking and you're absolutely right. But not with an arrogance that makes me unbelievable; but with the confidence to let you know that I'm the man that can make you feel like no one else in the world exists.

If you were mine, I wouldn't put you on the shelf that you're obviously on. None of us are perfect, but any "situations" I had would be tossed aside. The women I was wasting countless hours with, the clubs that I've been hanging at, the failed marriage that I should be getting over, and even my boys would all take a backseat to you. You'd have my heart, my focus and my attention, completely.

Do you have children? If so, let me be the first to tell you how envious I am of your little one(s). To be blessed with such a mother whose grace and beauty is to be marveled, is to be cherished. I looked into your loving eyes, and saw the nurturing spirit that only a woman who knows that her love to her children is their greatest gift can possess. If you have none, there is no doubt in my mind that your children's spirits are in Heaven, rejoicing in anticipation at the thought of being loved and reared by you.

I could go on for years writing about your physical beauty, but I'm so much more concerned with your soul. You are, no doubt, physically endowed, but if it were not for what is inside of you, it would be all for naught. Your DNA is interwoven with not only human genetic material, but with God's love. That love has filled every cell of your body, causing an overflow that has been bestowed upon us. I want to get you to a point of where you are unafraid of unleashing your full potential on this world. You are a treasure. One that our dismal society can benefit from.

If I could go back in time, the Mona Lisa would be a portrait of you, the Taj Mahal would have been built in your honor, your face would on the bust of Nerftiti, and all of the songs and sonnets ever written would be in praises to you and your beauty.

As I close this letter to you, please understand that I have tried to speak as eloquently as possible to you, because you are deserving of such. Your face, and even the thought of you, has made me want to be a better person, through speech and action.

My hope is that someday, I will be able to earn your trust and express to you the bliss that I now have. I'll keep you in my prayers daily. Not a selfish prayer to let God bring us together for my benefit, but that you'll be safe and blessed in everything you do, and that everything you touch will succeed. And please pray for me as I go about my days, helpless and drunken with love.

I almost feel like each day that I'm not in your heart is a grim one, but I continue to get up, remembering the hope that I have in anticipation of seeing your face, for I know with which each day brings a new opportunity.

I hope I haven't bored you too much, and if you are the woman I believe you to be, you are more appreciative of this. Not of my words to you, but of the mere fact that you've helped to make someone's life better.

From the first day that I saw you, until the day that time ceases, you have my heart."

Pretty cheesy, I know, and not too many men are willing to (or are actually able to), express in Shakespearean grandeur, their love for a woman. But this is truly how I feel about myself. I'm worthy of such letters. I love spontaneity, and I love different and unique approaches, but the girlie-girl side of me craves romance every now and then.

If you're a man, try your best to be as romantic as possible with your woman. And if you're a woman, hopefully, the man that you desire (or even the one you have) graces you with spine-tingling romance at some point. I know I'm still hoping for mine...

And so, we wait

Over the course of my adult life, and especially my time back in Alabama, I've had many guys express amazement by the fact that I'm single. They always ask what's wrong with me, and some even go so far as to call me selfish or picky. But why do I choose to wait and stay single? Like a lot of women (and MOST men), I'm actually not waiting for the "perfect" person. Just for the one who's perfect for ME. Not the guy who believes he can give me everything in the world to make me happy, not the one my friends or family says is a good catch, not the 6'5" athlete, the six-figure man, and not the guy who I just know is going "somewhere." Women can be content with the guy who picks up her garbage, the bartender who made her favorite drink just right, the short man, the guy with the least amount of charisma, or even the average guy who just made her laugh. So is it true? Does everyone deserve a chance? Absolutely! Just not always from the people we believe we deserve them from. As painful as it is, I have to admit and accept (probably more than anyone, especially at this very moment), that I'm not every man's type, nor his fantasy, nor his "one," no matter how much I've been told it by others. As someone who's been on both ends, and have yet to be in an actual relationship in my adult years, being single (and sometimes alone) is something that I've reluctantly embraced. So, I'll continue to wait. Maybe not as patiently as I should, but I'm willing to do it. So, I challenge you to ask yourself, are you willing to say no and walk alone for a while longer? Or are you willing to let go of a person who has decided to wait and not become offended by the rejection, or will you be selfish, and possibly a hindrance, by trying to make them see how you could be their "good" thing? My advice is to bow out gracefully. I know, easier said than done, but it could very well be your blessing in disguise.