On This Day

On this day in 1998, I was surrounded with friends and family celebrating my graduation from high school; and on this day in 2012, I'm celebrating my son, my flesh and blood, my young man's entrance into high school.  

To my Young Master Kendall I.F. Riley:

It's been a long and very trying three years, filled with ups and downs, countless changes, but more learning experiences than most people have in a lifetime. It may not seem like an accomplishment to some, but between you and me, WE KNOW.  

Take the wisdom that was, is and will continue to be given to you, and use it.  There should never be a day that you do not learn at least one new thing.  This is YOUR time, YOUR moment and YOUR day.  Make the most of it.  You are a wonderful, bright and caring young man and it's time that the world sees you the way that I do: a leader with the potential for greatness who will rival and overshadow that of so many before you. 

This is only the beginning for you, so many things will come to deter you from the goals that you've set for yourself, and when it does, don't hesitate to fall to your knees and surrender.  Not surrendering to the pressure, or the circumstance, but surrendering to your Heavenly Father.  He knows every single thing about you, even things that you and I don't know.  I pray that you experience His power with unconditional surrender and total trust in His plan for your life.

As a mother, there's so much sadness that I could feel today, but I choose joy instead.  Joy, because although I have not been the perfect parent (and never will be), I have confidence that you are already a much better human being that I could ever hope to be; not to mention you're almost out of the house :-) .

There will always be people and forces working against you, but take hold of the fact that there are so many who believe in you, even when you don't believe in yourself, and you'll never fail.

Unconditional, unchanging and undying love always,

Mama

The Warning

I can't and won't apologize for sounding bitter, angry or scorned, ESPECIALLY since I know BOTH sides of the coin i.e. women who don't appreciate the men that they have, women who are waiting for some superficial, perfect guy, etc.; however, the actions of men (famous and non alike) have prompted me to share some feelings of the very same women you speak with, speak ill of, and the ones you continue to overlook daily: Your apathy towards the woman who cares for you, who's polite, who's passive, and who would rather be physically monogamous because she's finally found someone to satisfy her, is disheartening. Your love for the "bad bitches," the groupies, the attitude-having, Birkin bag-carrying, red bottoms-wearing, can't cook to save her life, will open up her legs, turn up her backside, for any and every camera, whether it be in the club or in her bathroom, is, in short, disgusting. You all are upset, calling yourselves good men and believing yourselves to be so good that you think that a woman with a fat ass, exotic, or red-bone with long hair will be your Biblical good thing; but are overlooking the natural sister, the brown-skinned sister, the sister who decides not to bare all for the sake of her dignity and her reputation, all because you, in your visual glory, wanted a piece of ass for a moment.  Why are you so intimidated by her independence? Why are you so suspicious of her willingness to forego a night of clubbing? Why are you so distrusting of the look in her eye or the look in another man's eye when he sees her? Is it because you've found yourself inadequate; and your guilt for all the crimes you've committed against love has led you to realize that you're unworthy of the care and love she's capable of giving?  What are you teaching your children? That the video vixen is the desirable woman? That having a woman who prides herself on being labeled a banger, a groupie, or a jump is okay?  Take the blinders off and see. See yourself first, and once you see yourself, you may stop believing in the superficial, and not be influenced by men, whom of which had it not been for the sheer genius of other men who wanted to become millionaires by any means, would never be able to date the plastic dolls that are flaunted in your faces in real life. Then you may be able to see that love and beauty is not light or dark-skinned; short or long hair; exotic, mixed or pure-blooded; tall or short; thick or slim; but usually what you've had in front of you the entire time.

Are You The One?

If I could chronicle the feelings that I have for someone right now, the tale would never end. I somehow went from absolutely no romantic interaction for six years, to just enough to keep me thirsty in a very short period of time. I finally met someone that I really liked and his "situation" is keeping me at arm's length with him. Now, whether he believes it or not, his previous marriage has undoubtedly ruined him for any chance at a relationship with me. I could go for rounds with him to try and convince him that I'd be a good woman for him, but what would be the point if he's not ready to accept that? This is one of the pitfalls that women find themselves in far too often. We meet someone who seems to be what we want and we attach ourselves to him, knowing it may not even go anywhere.

Why do we put ourselves through such unnecessary turmoil? Why do I put myself through it? There are articles telling us the 7, 10, 30 and 102.463 ways to know we're the one, and we stupidly buy into that shullbit. The signs aren't some secret, subtle hints, but are very simple and damned near average actions; such as: meeting his family& friends, coming to you when he's feeling down, wanting to sit and watch TV with you when you're feeling less than sexy, and most shockingly: telling you that he wants a relationship with you. Yeah, I know. Men say things all the time, but if a man tells you that he wants a relationship, he means it. Not saying that he won't continue to wander and will be completely faithful and honest, but he wants you to be his "main." We, as women, tend to over-think where men are concerned, so here's my simple advice: Let 'em be men! If you've let someone know that you're interested in him, leave it at that. He'll do with it what he feels he needs to. Men are anxious where choosing companionship is concerned because contrary to popular belief, they have feelings. They have so much more at stake when they invest their hearts because only a few women will ever receive that special part of them. Women are emotional, but resilient, and if our hearts get broken, we usually learn from it and keep going. Men usually harden their hearts a little more and some of them even fall into the trap of being so non-trusting that they settle for a woman who is nowhere near being everything he wants just so he doesn't have to have his heart broken again. I know it sounds strange, and no, I haven't figured men out. They're just as, if not more, complicated than we are. I know women are just hardwired to behave a certain way when it comes to affairs of the heart (and I'm a Scorpio, so I have a double-dose), and telling a woman to let something go is like telling a rooster to lay an egg. It's not happening. We really have to be fed up or just simply let our hearts work through their own longings. I've been trying to convince myself for the past 5 months to let this guy go, and I even put him on a timeline (APRIL 24th BABY), but sometimes, I think God is looking at me and saying: You may feel like that's what you need to do, but do you really want to? And He's right. Do I really want to let this guy go? He's neither doing me any good nor harm in my life, but why do I continue to pray for someone to come along and distract me from him? If I know that I should leave him alone, should I need another man to come into my life to concede that point? I shouldn't, but I do. Why? Because as long as there is no one else in my life who can capture my heart the way that he did, he's going to remain in that capacity. Even after he's done with whatever he's going through, it doesn't mean that I'll be the one that he decides to turn to. We steer ourselves down this path, hoping that one day, the men that we want or love will wake up with the grandest of epiphanies, and pour out their hearts to us. Unfortunately, that's usually reserved for Hollywood.

So how do we ease the pain of not knowing whether we're the one or not? Is it pretending that we're a lot stronger than we are by quoting songs and scriptures? Is it going out and having a few drinks? Is it learning a new hobby? It's actually all of those things, but at the same time, letting your heart do what it does. If you have any connection with who you are as a person, you know that your heart knows how to heal itself. People discredit the heart, calling it deceitful, and such. What is deceitful is our minds trying to fool our hearts into not feeling. The joy we feel when thinking of someone we love, as well as the cry that we have over the unknown where that person is concerned is therapeutic and our hearts know it.

In all honesty, it's okay to want that man and to long for him because he may have made you feel like no one else in the world has been able to make you feel. But once you've laid your feelings out for him, and if you care, you have to trust in love enough to let him be. Chances are, he's taking everything that you've said to him, as well as your actions, into consideration. So, don't fret just because you feel like he didn't notice the dress, or the way you touched his hand. It doesn't mean he didn't. It's possible that you may have stayed on his mind the entire night, next day or even that week. He may come around, he may not. You may be the one, you may not, but when seeking true love, know that you're asking for something that is so rare and so deep that only the most patient of people can find it and only the most courageous of them can survive it...