A terrible (and predictable) sequence of events leads to the speech turning into a sermon:
The message will begin smooth and his voice is calm and collected. The only audience feedback is nods of agreement. Suddenly, a rhetorical question is asked in a high-pitched voice, which then causes the audience to give verbal feedback (the "That's right!" and "Yes!"). After so many of these, the speaker then hunches his shoulders and has become animated, he begins to stutter his words, the decibels have increased, and pulls out a handkerchief to wipe his brow. By this time, the audience is now clapping after every statement and the one lady in the audience has started mimicking the last two or three words of every remark he makes. {Houston, we have lift off.} The speaker hears this, and he turns into the grunting, rockin' n' reelin, high-fiving, Minnie Riperton whistle registering, jaw-jerking showman that he is EVERY SINGLE SUNDAY.
50% of the audience (probably some members of his own congregation) is with him all the way. Standing up, clapping, shouting--the works. 25% of the audience (mostly members of some church) knew what was going to happen and stopped listening after the rhetorical question. 24% of the audience is trying to figure out why do they feel bad about not going to church for the past six months after they've just heard a sermon on school textbooks, and the final 1% just had a united WT-- moment.
And you'd think it stops at the speech, but if there's food served, you know that it has to be blessed, and if there is another minister present, guess who blesses the food? You guessed it! Not to be outdone by the good Reverend, this minister decides to quote and re-quote how Jesus is our daily bread, and how God let the ravens feed Elijah, and how Jesus fed the multitude. He blesses the hands of the cooks, the servers, the stomachs of everyone eating, the utensils so they'll cut and hold the food properly, the beverages to wash down the food, the food so that the really fattening and sweet meal that has been prepared won't give us "sugar diabetes," high blood pressure, and won't make our gout flare up. After a few minutes, a little old lady is passed a piece of bread because her sugar is low, a little old man with a walker has to sit down (if he was standing), and several toddlers are banging their heads on the floor because they're delusional from starvation.
Don't get me wrong, I love to hear good speakers and it's natural for a man of the cloth to see the spirituality in everyday life; but as a Christian, I'd rather hear sermons from the pulpit, not at a formal Christmas gathering (complete with line-dancing) that's being held at a storefront.
My plea is one that everyone will appreciate. If you're organizing an event, that won't be held at church, that frankly, has nothing to do with religion, think long and hard before you pick a speaker. If it is a minister, be sure that it's one you've heard before (preferably in different settings), and you're not following the advice of Sis. Johnson who is the Committee President for the Women's Ministry of Helps Auxiliary Committee at Lovelight Missionary Full Gospel Baptist Faith Healers..blah..blah..blah... If you're a minister who has been invited to an event, please be mindful of your audience and where the event is taking place. Most people, especially ones with low insulin levels, have had hip replacement surgery and have toddlers, won't want to hear a full sermon while attending a luncheon to raise awareness for our decreasing bee population sweating it out under a tent in 90 degree weather.
I don't think it's too much to ask. A lot of people, especially the knot-headed toddlers, will thank you.
No comments:
Post a Comment